Tired of Being Stressed

So here I am sitting here with 125 bucks to my name until payday in two weeks. I honestly dont know if i can keep going through this shit every month. I have finally realized you just cannot support 2 people on one persons income. Im doing everything I can to try and be a good woman but fact is I just cant keep on doing it on my own. Here I am sitting here tryna decide If I need my meds or another bra cause i can get one or the other but not both. why cause i have to have money for trees(i dont take pills and honestly weed is the only thing keepin me from going completely, totally and utterly BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY), on top of buying beer and cigs all the damn time for my man. Why do i do it? cause i love him more than anything.But i must say it stings like a bitch when i look at my family members and see that their guys are helping them out. Im sitting here dealing with bullshit tryna keep it together. Im sick of working so hard and not being able to do anything extra. I cant go out for dinner and do random stuff like i used to. I cant buy clothes like i used to. I cant get my eyebrows, feet and nails done like i used to. Y? cause theres no money.  and instead of speaking up and forcing him to go out and do something i sit here and do everything i can to keep him happy, even if im not.

Im really starting to fully understand R Kellys song "When a Womans Fed Up" cause i feel like im kind of getting to that point. For the first year he was out of work i was fine with that cause we were somewhat ok and he had his money and i had mine. but now on year three and the fact that im in my own apt paying all my rent and bills by myself, its fucking hard. It just dont even seem like hes trying anymore. Not to mention our potential to make more money depends on me having a little money to invest in anything he thinks he can sell at a profit and let me tell you that puts my stress level up in the fucking stratosphere. I used to work at a Plasma Donation Center and now we live right down the street from it . But he wont go. I mean yeah its only 20-40 bucks a donation but that will pay for a few packs of cigs and a few beers and right now even that would help. Im sitting here looking for a 2nd job but yet he gets to sit here and smoke and be on the computer everyday. i dont. im gone for at least 9 hours a day and at the most 15 or 16 hours a day. on top of work i have to run errands, work out and whatever else then i get to go home. and what do i see when i come back, him on the couch, with the laptop, pipe and weed on the table and sometimes he may be sleeping and it makes me mad as fuck cause i dont get to do that. ever. theres always something i have to fucking do.  i feel bad for going in on him like i am but i need a place to rant and i have no body to talk to. i dont want to have to break up with him because i feel at times like i cant live without him and there are tons of things i love about him but im tired of being stressed. Either something gotta change asap or imma be starting out August as a single lady.